The Nestea Plunge Can Kill You

Well… sure you could kill someone with a bottle of iced tea. But is it likely? I mean, you could kill someone with almost anything if you have the time and the willpower. You could force-feed someone a bag of circus peanuts until they suffocated. George Carlin once joked that you could probably beat a guy to death with the Sunday edition of the New York Times if you really put your mind to it.
But was the iced tea an imminent threat? The kind that required a response of deadly force? According to this dude, absolutely.

It piles up so fast, you need wings to stay above it

I have a few observations:

1. Obama supports marriage equality, because it’s the American way. Life/liberty/pursuit of happiness, 14th Amendment, stuff like that. You may have heard about these things. They’ve been in all the papers. You guys are really going to double down on the “we hate the gays” stuff? I don’t see that going well for you, at least not in civilized parts of the world.

2. Obama supports choice, as do most Americans.┬áNobody “supports” abortion. Everyone thinks it’s unpleasant, but sometimes circumstances dictate it to be the only option. Women who’ve had an abortion don’t think back fondly to the day they got one. They don’t keep abortion scrapbooks. Nobody wakes up in the morning and says “self, let’s get an unnecessary pregnancy that we have to abort. That sounds fun.”

3. Is the G in Gay doing all the talking here? That word balloon is confusing me.