You just have to click through.
I bet someone’s a post-breakup Cry-hard now.
Someone once gave me a hard time about mocking Twilight because I hadn’t read the books. So I read them.
All of them. That’s how dedicated I was to owning complete legitimacy in stating that they are really terrible books.
They are really terrible books.
I read one. For the same reason. I couldn’t do any more than that. I just couldn’t.
It’s the same logic I use to explain why I’ve viewed the entire Tyler Perry oeuvre.
If you think the first one was bad, they just get progressively worse until by the 4th one, you start to actively hate the books, and get angry when you read it because, goddamnit, you started it and now you’re gonna finish it, regardless of how much they make you want to strangle a kitten because for the love of all that is holy, nothing can be this fucking bad, can it?
That’s exactly what happened. The first one was curiosity, the second one was me second guessing my own contempt, the third one was revulsion and disbelief and the fourth one was steely resolve. I will not be defeated by these god damned things. I will see that this story redeems itself by the end.
This was what drove me to read all the Fifty Shades books, and if the fan-fic chick is in any way emulating the style of the Twilight books then I should get to add my vote in the NO THANKS column.
Same here. I read the first one. It was even worse than I had imagined. My husband read it to and we would spend time reading passages to one another aloud and laughing our asses off. Probably the book’s only redeeming value.
But Stephenie Meyer had the last laugh.
At a recent family reunion we had a little game where everyone who had done XYZ had to raise their hand. Imagine our embarrassment when, “has read Twilight” was called. My husband and I both hung our heads in shame and raised our hands.
The key is to read them on a Kindle or something. I have a pretty long commute and I couldn’t stand the idea of spending two hours a day with the same people, and all of them knowing I was reading Twilight.
Exactly. I worked in a bookstore at the time, and it was all anyone wanted to talk about, so I read the damn things. I love how twitards will say “you didn’t even read the books!” or “it gets better when you read them all!” then when you do, and you are completely aware of how awful they are, it’s “why keep reading if you hated them?” “you seem to know a lot for someone who really didn’t like them!” Stupid twats.
I couldn’t even finish the first one. Bella’s a dishrag, Edward’s a psycho stalker. Every time someone talks about what a perfect couple they are all I can think of is how if they were real we’d see them on an episode of Cops, Bella with bruises and black eyes, Edward in a wifebeater, and her refusing to have him arrested because “I know this’ll be the last time.”
My wife INSISTED that I read them, and I dutifully did, mainly to keep her from hectoring me.
We are divorced now, partially because of these terrible, terrible books.
There are two kinds of individuals who love this swill: Swooning tweenagers who are giddy at the concept of puppy love, and arrested-development stricken middle-aged soccer moms who were once giddy tweenagers that love the idea of two superhuman hunks inexplicably worshipping the ground their paunchy vanilla asses walk on.
Twilight is a gateway drug for “50 Shades”…Guess what my ex is reading now, and giddily encouraging me to read…
Well, at least it’s easier to ‘bate to “50 Shades”.
Send this to her. That way every time she tries to read it she is reading it in his voice.
I give you, Gilbert Godfrey reads 50 shades of grey.
The next one is titled “Fifty Shades of Sparkly.”
I would guess this is Madam Nutty’s car, but I don’t think she can fit into a Yaris.
I came out of a store one time to see a lady get out of her car, walk a few steps, and stop at the back of my car. She was shaking her head in disgust. I have a bumper sticker that says “Chewie is my copilot” and a sticker from the web comic Achewood on the back of my car. She went in the store still looking disgusted. I went to the back of the car she just got out of- expecting to see a jesus fish or something but there was a huge Cullen family crest and an “I drive like a Cullen” sticker. My reaction was the same as hers.
I’ve only ‘read’ Twilight through cleolinda’s reviews on Livejournal (books and films – that’s some serious masochism) but I distinctly recall that “driving like a Cullen” is a very bad and dangerous thing for mortals to attempt. Cops should be allowed to write tickets on sight of that sticker.
What sin could a Yaris commit in a single lifetime to bring THIS upon itself?
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