WINNING AT BREAKFAST

I’m at the store today, when I see what looks like a new flavor of Cesar dog food.

So I look a little closer, and I see that this is more than a new flavor. It’s a whole new concept.

Cesar Sunrise.

Breakfast. For dogs.

You heard me.

Now your dog can start the day with a cheddar cheese “souffle.” Or perhaps a bacon “scramble.” Or maybe just “steak and eggs.” You know, the kind of foods your dog really wants for breakfast!

God help us all.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my dogs. I really do. But I’ve been feeding them dinner for breakfast for years, and I’ve never seen them back away from the dish in disgust. And to the best of my recollection, they’ve never begged for melon.

So do dogs really need breakfast? Do they find some dishes too heavy in the morning? Would they prefer fewer carbs so they don’t get sluggish during the workday? Has dog productivity been suffering all these years and we didn’t know it?

I don’t think so. I don’t think my dogs will get more done in a day if they start with egg whites and coffee. And I don’t think they know the difference between beef and a turd, much less breakfast and dinner.

Let’s just get some perspective, here. We’re talking about animals who eat their own vomit, and would happily do so twice a day if you put in in a dish. The more repulsive the smell, the more interested they are. They roll on dead birds, they eat the crotch out of dirty underwear, they lick your filthy feet until their eyes roll back into their heads. If Kal Kan ever came up with a tampon and ass flavored kibble, they wouldn’t be able to keep in in stock.

So, no, my dogs don’t need a special food for breakfast.

I bought 12 packs.

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29 thoughts on “WINNING AT BREAKFAST

  1. Hey… the homeless need to eat breakfast too!!! GAH!!!*

    *yes… yes I have been homeless before… it sucked… I have a sense of humor about it…

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  2. My dogs get “morning kibble” and “evening kibble.” Which are the exact same kibble, of course. But I do offer wine pairing suggestions with the evening kibble because I’m classy like that. The Château du écureuil mort is quite nice.

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  3. I don’t know. My dogs always seemed to be interested in breakfast food. Package of raw bacon on the counter? Delicious. Leftover scrambled eggs out of the knocked over trash can? Fine dining. Wrapper from a taylor ham sandwich? Feels good between the teeth.

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  4. Helen, you made my day, almost threw my back out laughing, I have dogs like that too.

    They just have cereal or toast with their Daddy every morning, they like the peanut butter on the toast!

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  5. I laughed because HK speaks the truth, and it’s one of my greatest pleasures to watch my roommate squirm and get grossed out when my dog eats his own vomit before I can remove it. He’s so fast it’s usually back on his tongue before it has a chance to spread out on the floor.

    This dog will even happily clean up cat vomit, which makes the cats squint, look away and shift uncomfortably and my roommate makes those gagging sounds like he’s going to start puking too. I would probably stop breathing at that point, because I’m pretty sure the dog would start eating his vomit and then, well, let’s leave that road unpaved.

    But this dog food? Yea. Disgusting! I don’t think eggs and cheese are really nutritionally sound for dogs. I think pork is generally bad for smaller creatures, due to capillary size versus fat cell size. But what do I know? Maybe I’m just justifying depriving my canine friend of his morning mouse-parts omelet and buttered english muffin!

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  6. All of my cat’s cans of food say “dinner” on them, except one(which happens to be his favorite), so one morning I jokingly told him that he had to eat his Tuna For Cats because it was the only none dinner choice.

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  7. This reminds me of the story of how some countries put a picture of what’s in the can on the label. Gerber foods doesn’t sell so well in some parts of Africa. I wonder how this would do…

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